The lamest of all isn't exactly a joke but my grandfather told it over and over again!
My grandfather was in a Japanese camp (Dutch navy)
He had to cut a tree with several inmates and the japanese officer said:
you cut, tree will fall here!
My grandfather said if i'll cut the tree right here it will fall right on your head!
Japanese officer : No, no discussion possible tree will fall here!
My grandfather cuts the tree, the japanese officer was certain of himself until literally the last hundreth of a second!
here is another one, some joke in Hitler's inner circle that I read from some book, but it mentions a KL, this is not meant to be an insult to anyone, etc.
Someone told Hitler that a person was making jokes aobut the NS leaders, and that he was living in Dachau. Hitler said "Good that he's in the KL there!" or something like that. The person replied "No, mein Fuehrer, he does not live in the camp, he lives in the city of Dachau!" Hitler was laughing non stop and at the same time very angry.
Prison vs Work
Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make
things a little bit clearer.
IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in an 10X10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8
cubicle.
IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...........you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK............you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...........you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON.........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK..........you have to share the toilet with some people who pee
on the seat.
IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren't even supposed to speak to your family.
IN PRISON.........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work
required.
AT WORK............you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ...........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON .........you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...........they are called managers.
War does not determine who is right,war determens who is left.
ok, this is an imaginary Wehrmacht one I made up, gallows humour. There was a group of fanatical Wehrmacht soldiers fighting in Berlin for their lives, their families not for AH. On the night of 29 April 1945, a local Chaplain, a fanatical member of the NSDAP said in a fiery sermon "May god help our Fuehrer tommorow, the 30th of April!" And the day after tommorow, the group of soldiers heard from Doenitz on the radio what happened to AH on 30 April......
oh no mr.nkvd I will never speak against the glory of your government.
This is a lie, the "joke" I deleted referred to burying Serbs, just so everyone understands why it was deleted. And Handzar, tread very lightly when it comes to ethnic jokes and don't imply that I have a political agenda when , in fact, I'm trying to protect the Forum from your racist agenda!!!:x
~D, the EviL
Death is lighter than a Feather, Duty is heavier than a Mountain....
Don't split hairs with me and don't lie about why I deleted your post. And don't give me any more of that "anti-Communist" BS. Coming from a bigot it's laughable.
Consider this a formal warning.
~D, the EviL
Death is lighter than a Feather, Duty is heavier than a Mountain....
- One of a pair of Landser is urinating against a tree when his companion knocks him over saying: "Don't do that! I may have to wear that tree next month!"
- Official Army Order... Henceforth the Army will wear civilian clothes to distinguish itself from the rest of the Reich population. (This joke originated with the Nazi Party's fondness for providing a uniform for just about everyone, including the German equivalent of our National Rifle Association.)
- Can Germany lose the war? Unfortunately not, now that we've got it, we'll never get rid of it.
Two newly-drafted GIs of Irish extraction are about to be shipped to Northern Ireland as their first step to training for D-Day. Before they leave all their families tell them to be sure and try the Guiness, it'll make them fell young again....
They got there, got off-duty and got to a pub. They walk in, and everyone cheers and offeres to buy them a drink. They said they were told about a drink that would make them feel over the world and young again, but couldn't remember what....but their childhood memories trawled up...Andrews Liver Salts.....
"Give us two pints of Andrews Liver Salts," they say to the landlord who stares at them aghast, but stirs up two frothing white glasses of Liver Salts, which they knock back, choke a little, agree its good and demand another two! "Are you sure??" the barman asks, "Yeah, sure, buddy!" they both answer.
They start on the second pints but only get halfway through before the rumbling and cramping and farting starts. The first GI turns to the second and says "Hey are you sure we're drinking the right stuff?"
"Yeah, sure - its made ME feel young again," says the second.
"oh?"
"Yeah - I've just done something very childish in my trousers."
